New Faculty Orientation

Two years ago, I was unprepared for classes, working out of an office without furniture, getting a foreclosed house ready for my family, and worrying about life in SoCal. I have learned a lot over the past two years about my school, being a professional academic, living in a bankrupt state, and what I would tell others who were in my shoes. This week, I presented a little talk on being a new faculty member to this year's new faculty recruits. As I spoke, I realized that teaching is less important to me than the other stuff that I do. Mainly, I know that I will get my teaching done well, but it is easy to let other stuff slide, like grant applications, revising (my own) research papers quickly, doing the mindless paperwork, and thinking a couple of years ahead. It was a nice prompt to encourage a little self-reflection about what to do with my time.

So, what makes me different today from two years ago? I guess everything has resolved itself except for being prepared for classes. Why write a syllabus until an hour before class?

Why a motorcycle will never kill me

I have been drooling over a motorcycle for approximately 700 years. On the top of my list are the Triumph Scrambler, the BMW F650, and the Ducati GT1000. My wife has been longing for a dog in a similar manner. I hate dogs and she hates thinking that I will die in a motorcycle accident. A couple of months ago I put my foot down and said, "if you get a dog, I'm getting a bike." She actually understood that I was serious.

After today, I know a motorcycle won't kill me. it will be too many gulab jamun. These little warm, sweet, donut-like Indian treats will be the death of me. That, and a number of other foods that I simply refuse to give up. I have a serious addiction to saturated fat, sugar, and cheeses. My veins and arteries are likely more clogged than the freeways here in SoCal.

... the mice will play.

The cat left and took two of the kittens. What should you expect from the mice? - A seriously crazy long day full of fun and adventure.

In chronological order:
1. get up, eat breakfast, pack the car
2. take mom and sisters to the airport in OC
3. ride to the car mega mart and look at mini coopers
4. ride to the gas station for a soda and candy
5. ride to dad's work
6. play video games on the computer while dad tries to work
7. ride scooter around campus while dad has an impromptu meeting
8. go to Ruby's for lunch (eat french fries with meal)
9. play video games while dad tries to work
9.5 eat some candy, gum, and other generally unwelcome items
10. go to class when I would normally be going to bed (7pm class start time)
11. play ipod games while dad holds a two hour class
12 get out of class in time to quickly pack up and
13. ride to Disneyland to watch the fireworks from the top floor of the parking garage
14. ride to Arby's for a sandwich (only to find that they had cleaned their shake machine)
15. ride to McDonalds for an ice cream cone
16. fall asleep in the car (sometime around 10:45pm)

What kid wouldn't have loved that day? I just hope that he can remember.
I will never forget how many sincere thank you's I heard.

Space or no space

I am a little confused. Normally I would up and do everything that Steven Hawking says - because, you know, he is the smartest person with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis ever to wheel the earth. BUT, it seems like he is asking too much from us. First he says not to go look for aliens and then he says we must abandon Earth. Hasn't he ever watched Star Trek? All planets that are inhabitable by humans already have some humanoid life form on them. Seriously, if this is the smartest guy we've got we are all doomed.

Academic Poetry pt. 2

Another installment from yesterday's poetry session.

Forms
By JT (7/19/10 10:25pm)

Eform solutions
Don’t work on Macs
Like almost everything else

Paper forms
Last resort
A relic

Who remembers where they are?
I’ve been here 4 years
A long time

Form in hand
Find the account
Copy the number

Don’t use that reason
It’s not approved
Call it this

Sign and date on the line
Cross the t’s
Dot the i’s

Place in folder
Campus mail
Meet the deadline

It’s a legal document
To be filed
In the cave of other files

Files and forms
Moldering in boxes
Mitigating legal disaster

Rogue accountants
From the state
Check dates

Academic Poetry

I have a difficult time calming down after class. I believe that teaching is a performance art. As such it is difficult to stop when the class ends or the show is over.

Tonight, this energy was channeled into poetry. My first poem in at least 15 years.

The in between place
By JT (7/19/10 9:41pm)

There is a black hole
somewhere between my office
and where papers need to go.

I’ll look for it.
When I find it
you won’t hear from me again.

That is the nature of black holes.

Hopefully I will find it.
If not, we will still believe it is there.
Unseen but powerful.

That is the nature of man,
to believe the unseen.

That is not science.

I am a scientist.
not an administrator.

Change

I have decided to not go pRivate, bUt raTher to switcH to a mature content warning - this blog contains 'Adult Content.' :)

Next up - the bowtie professor's audition for "so you want to be a porn star?" Think bald, fat, white, nerdy, mormon PhD... nevermind.

The adult content warning made me do it.